Musn't See T.V.

Nancy DisGrace

 

If not for an occasional trip to the gym and time to kill watching T.V. on the eliptical, I would probably have never seen the Nancy Grace talk show on CNN.  I have decided that she is an insulting entertainer playing the role of television host.  Here were my first thoughts;  other than the frequent rants and rages by Grace there was this uncanny resemblence to Linda Tripp.  Remember Linda from the Monica Lewinsky days?  Unfortunately, much like Linda, I didn't take to Nancy at all.  I found her abrasive and overbearing.  Here is what else I found out.

 

Nancy Grace portrays an expressionless, helmet-haired talking head of the legal persuasion.  But did you know that the reason she sought out a career in law was because her fiance was a victim of a random murder?  This time it's personal...   

  Lovely Linda

She also is an investigative detective, investigator, psychiatrist and psychic.  (Not really, she just plays them on T.V).  So many hats for a CNN Legal Analyst!  Unfortunately, her agenda is creating drama and obscuring facts.  She is not about analyzing and presumption of innocence until proven guilty.  She is about entertainment...if, that is, you are the type who watches a NASCAR race in hope of seeing a spectacular crash..  She appears to know the truth of who did what in any current or not current tabloid crime. Irregardless of new information that comes up, she sticks to her opinion.

 

Case in point:  Trenton Duckett.  In case you have been living under a rock for the last 4 months, Trenton was (and hopefully still is) the 2 year old son of Melinda Duckett.  He was living with his mother in Florida when he suddenly was reported missing by her in August of 2006.  The father was cleared and all fingers pointed to Melinda.

 

 

Cue Nancy Grace.  Ambush Queen.  If anyone knows who done it, Nancy does.  After the pounding, relentless, accusing interview under the guise of CNN getting widespread attention for Trenton, Melinda Duckett shot her head off with her grandfather's shotgun.  With her head blown away Melinda took with her any hope of knowing where her son was and if he was  alive but just stashed somewhere. Nancy had better hope that Melinda did it.  Otherwise it puts her in the unfortunate position of jeopardizing any hope of getting answers for Trenton's family.  But self-important Nancy would deny she played any role in it. 

 

Of course if Nancy had any integrity at all as a journalist or a human being for that matter, she would have thought twice about running the interview of Melinda before she took her life.  Not Nancy.  There were Nielsen ratings at stake!  Pure sleezy entertainment value.  Here's the kicker...the viewership rose after that particular show.  What does that say about us as a nation?  I think we all know.

 

All I can say is let Jon Stewart have a crack at her!  Can anyone say Tucker Carlson?  Gotta run...Nancy Grace is on...

A Fair Wisconsin?

 

...at least we had hoped so.

 

                           

              

 

 

"Welcome to my neighborhood which is now safe for good God-fearing people of generous natures. They have insured that same sex couples will be denied the dignity of caring for each other in sickness at the same time that they have demanded the lives of criminals for the first time in over 150 years. Wisconsin...a great place on a Great Lake."  (From my friend Jim of Racine.) 

Muffin Tops Be Damned!

Muffin Top:
	The unsightly abdominal spillover that results from a woman wearing a too-tight pair of low-cut pants or shorts.

                                                       

                                            

Stop the waffle irons and pizza ovens!  The International Journal of Obesity published a top ten list of why we as Americans are expanding out of our capris, cargo shorts and clamdiggers.  Unless you have been living under a rock since the beginning of time, you know that it's pretty much been about diet and exercise.  It seems that no matter how much we want to look like runway models, we are all genetically pre.disposed to accumulate fat in certain predictable patterns.  Now there are finally some additional theories we can sink our teeth into. 

Here are the top 10 additional factors that are contributing to our pulchritude.  (Of course I had to lend my own twisted interpretations of each being the workout hound that I am).

1. Sleep deprivation: There’s no doubt that Americans are getting less than the recommended eight hours each night. Now researchers claim that too few hours of slumber cause hormonal changes that lead to weight gain.  It would help a great deal if we lived in California and could watch The Daily Show, Seinfeld, Reno 911 and The Colbert Report before 10:00 every night.   All we need to do is move to LaLa land.  Then we can watch it at 8:00 and still hit the linens by 10:00.

2. Endocrine disruptors: These synthetic chemicals in the environment disrupt the action of weight-related hormones in the body (think estrogen).  Think night sweats, mood swings and watching the play "Menopause."  No more needs to be said, right ladies?

3. Comfortable temperatures: When you’re too hot or cold, your body uses energy to warm you up or chill you out. Make the temperature controlled and comfortable and you lose the calorie-burning bonus. (Since 1978, the number of homes with central air conditioning has increased more than 30 percent.)  Let's see.  Last week we had a heat advisory.  The kind where the news anchors suggest you check on your elderly neighbors from time to time.  It's 96 degrees outside.  Too hot.  Go inside into the air conditioning.  Too cold.  We are screwed and gaining weight either way.  California here we come.  If you really want to get depressed about the hot weather go and see Al Gore's Inconvenient Truth about global warming.  We don't stand a chance if heat causes weight gain.

4. Fewer smokers: It’s no secret that smoking increases metabolism. The question is: What can you do that also revs up your metabolism that does not kill you?   Good question.  Keep smoking and add something loaded with aspartame.  Like an ice cold Tab.  Hey if you are going to go at least be hydrated and caffeinated.  Nix the move to California.  No one smokes there.  At least not in public.

5. More medications: “Many medications, including anti-depressants, anti-convulsants and steroid hormones cause weight gain, either by water retention orincreased appetite.” Bloated, happy and convulsion free or bitching, crying and writhing on the floor?  Tough call.  Bring on the meds and fast!

6. Population changes: America is growing older and becoming more ethnically diverse, particularly among the Hispanic-American population. Both of these groups, people over the age of 35 and those of Hispanic descent, have above average rates of obesity. Have you seen the portions at the Cancun Restaurant, Laredos or Pedros?  Ca rumba!

7. Older birth moms: Women are waiting longer to have children. Studies show that an adolescent girl’s risk of becoming obese increases by 14 percent for every five-year increment in maternal age. Hey!  Women are having children in their teens here and are still overweight.  With that in mind, being 20 and with child doesn't sound appealing.  Nor does being 25 with 2 kids and possibly divorced.   Waiting sounds good despite the risk.  Besides, there are 9 other items on here that may get us first.  Even if we do eat right and exercise.

8. Prenatal influences: Overweight moms, and those with gestational diabetes, have been linked with bigger babies. In fact, one study found that over-fed pups produced heavier pups than a control group, and the heft persisted for two subsequent generations. My cousin was rail thin and smoked and still had a 10 pound baby.  You just never know. 

9. Natural selection: According to scientific theory, overweight people out survive their leaner counterparts because they can draw more energy from fat stores. Wait!  This sounds like a good thing!  I knew there was a reason not to lose weight.  Get me to my friends Ben and Jerry's for a little Chunky Monkey.  I want to cut my losses now!  Just in case a famine is coming.  Or more hot weather.

10. Overweight people procreating: No rocket science here. When two overweight people have kids, their children are more likely to experience weight challenges than a child conceived by skinny people.   Of course it doesn't help when these same  "people of size" are allowing their offspring to have french fries and funnel cakes at Noah's Ark in the Wisconsin Dells.  

Maybe now I can stop doing leg lifts to get rid of my "banana folds" and arm lifts to get rid of my "wings". At least I don't have "cankles" yet!  

Goodbye "Fifth Beatle"

 Billy and his buddy George

 

I remember back in the mid 70's hanging out at my friend Kayce's house in Maple Bluff.  Kayce was my partner in crime.  From riding matresses down the staircase when her parents were away to watching her brother Michael driving the car up and down the driveway at age 13.  That later event led us to believe that we had something over Michael thus allowing us to go into his room without permission.  We were risk takers, Kayce and I.  We had just painted our nails while watching the Sonny and Cher show. We were wearing towels on our heads to pretend we had hair as long as Cher's.  It was on this particular night that Michael made the mistake of leaving his room unattended.  The sound of a 45 record playing on his turntable floated out of his room.  It was the most amazing funky sound of a Hammond B-3 organ I had ever heard.  I was ecstatic.  The music invited me into Michael's unattended room.  What could have possibly enticed me to enter the older (and cute and popular) brother of a friend's room uninvited?  The musician:  Billy Preston.  The song:  Outa Space.  It was incredible.   

 

Billy Preston died June 6th.  Most people don't know that he, while having many of his own hits, had a real gift in making others sound better.  He performed with a few little known bands like the Beatles and the Rolling Stones.  He was brought in as an outsider to relieve the growing tensions between the members of the Beatles.  He also performed with music royalty like Ray Charles, Little Richard, Steve Winwood and Eric Clapton.  He wrote Joe Cocker's hit "You Are So Beautiful" and was featured on the latest albums of the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Neil Diamond.

 

I would be remiss not to mention his unique look.  A mushroom-shaped tower of an afro and a gap-toothed smile.  I will never forget watching his hair and his engaging presence as he banged away on his organ. Suchgreat hits as "Will It Go Round in Circles" and "Nothing from Nothing."  Picture all this while he was wearing platform shoes and bell bottoms.

 Billy Preston, favorite sideman...

 

Although Preston was only officially credited with one song to the Beatles; "Get Back,"  he was an incredible musician who enjoyed solo success in his own right.  And he gave me quite a memory to reflect on at my friend Kayce's house that night over 30 years ago.

 

 

In His Own Words:
In this sound clip, Billy Preston remembers meeting the Beatles in Hamburg.

Here, Billy talks about his experience with Let It Be and playing his solo on Get Back.

Wag the Dog

So I am in my favorite coffee house in Madison where I do not have a name other than "molto sugar-free vanilla breve lady."  It was a sunny Sunday morning.  Jazz music was playing in the background, the place swelling with people.  Groups of nameless regulars, families and random loners.  Unshaven and coiffed, high-heeled and Birkenstocked, pierced and preppy.  Fantastic day for people watching.  But wait!  There are more than just people to watch in the coffee house.  Now there are dogs. Dogs!  Little dogs but dogs none the less.  Their owners were the outdoorsy types.  Maybe just in from a run or something.  Four adults sitting around the fireplace with two little white canines in tow.  So I thought to myself  "what is this, Europe?"  Since when do we pet owners get to have brunch with our pooches in a place of  food service?  Maybe in New York or France but not Madison, Wisconsin. A city that prides itself on not being too sophisticated or too fashionable.  A place where most people still have a good parka and a casual parka in their closets for the cold weather months.

  I wanna go outside where I belong!

To add insult to injury I read recently that many New York restaurateurs have reported a jump in the number of diners that want to bring their dogs inside for "emotional support."  You read it right.  Like seeing eye dogs these are emotional support dogs.  Some actually have doctor's letters requesting that these people be allowed to bring their "emotional service dogs" into restaurants and even airplanes, offices and health spas.  In 2003, the Department of Transportation clarified policies that allow people with depression and anxiety to be given the same privileges as blind or deaf people who need animals.  Outrageous.  Talk about abusing guidelines.  I am pretty sure that the reason these dogs were having coffee with their owners had little to do with emotional support and more to do with a sense of entitlement or ignorance.  The manager told me later that she could lose her license if dogs were in there.  Of course the owners never asked if it was okay.  They just assumed so.

  Do you like my hat?  I do not like your hat!

 

Being a little sad myself lately I started to think about all of the places I could take my dogs when I might be in need of some "emotional support."  This is just a short list of places I came up with.

1.  At the doctor's office when getting weighed.

2.  At Parent-teacher conferences.

3.  When crossing Monroe Street without a flag. 

4.  At my Pilates class and gym after neglecting exercise for awhile

5.  In the gym's locker room while showering with others

6.  Returning merchandise without a receipt (limitless locations for this).

7.  Confronting owner of car whose rear-view mirror I have just sheared  off with my car.  (3rd one this year).

8.  Before boarding a plane.

I could go on but you get the point.  Next it will be horses and goats.  You watch.  It will happen.  

A Bigger Bang to the Head

 Keith Richards, rocker since the beginning of time... 

I have written about the Rolling Stones and their icon status before.  I think they are one of the greatest bands of all times.  They defined an era and continue to rock those of us who still appreciate them.  I am a little worried though based on events of late.  Could Keith Richards, the co-glimmer twin along with childhood friend and alter ego Mick Jagger be heading for a permanent fall?  Could the hedonist rocker who was quoted as saying "Cold turkey is not so bad                                          

 

after you've done it 10 or 12 times" taken his last bang to the head? 

Richards fell from a tree in Figi and had been under medical observation since the tumble in late April.  Surgery was performed to relieve pressure from a blod clot on his brain.  His family says he is up and talking.  No one can understand a word he says...just like before the fall...so they are pleased with his progress.

  "Before they make me run..."

He's acknowledged as possibly one of the greatest rhythm guitarists in rock & roll but is even more well known for his excesses of the rock lifestyle.  His massive consumption of drugs and alcohol could have wiped out The Fixx, Led Zepplin, ELO, Jefferson Airplane, the Kinks, Bad Company, INXS and 10 other bands combined.  He can't let something like a little fall on his noggin' be his demise.

If his claim is true that he wrote (I Can't Get No) "Satisfaction" while sleeping, maybe the use of his head won't be as big a deal as I think.  Maybe he will write his best material to date.

Let's hope so.

"SoaP"

Just when I had become comfortable flying again comes the frenzy of a new threat aboard airplanes to be considered.  This time in the form of a Samuel L. Jackson film.  Snakes on a Plane or "SoaP" in the abbreviated form that movie fans are calling it.  It is receiving tremendous attention and is not even set to be released until next summer.

That being said, let me say this;  I have a flying phobia. This movie will probably not help that.  To those who know me well, this is not news. I have been afraid of flying not since September 11th, although that catastrophe sealed the deal.  I have hated flying since college.  But on a positive note, in the last two years I have flown more than I have my during my entire life. I have recently been negotiating in my mind the idea of not having to get into bed with the "Captain" and his companion Diet Coke when I fly.  In the past, I had to be in an almost catatonic state just to board a plane. Granted, drinking and flying had its perks.  I met a lot of people.  Leaving my drinking ways behind meant I would meet a lot less people on planes than I had in the past.  That reminds me of a couple of stand-outs I have met. 

My favorite was that sweet Mormon boy just returning from a two-year stint at Michigan State. I will never forget him. Elder Brian Willis.  He was returning to Snowflake, Arizona to see his family of 12 and the 1 year old sister he had never met. He told me not to be afraid on the plane.  His mother hadn't seen him in 2 years and that he was going to get home safely. I told him at one point that I might be drinking straight from the bottle and if that was a problem he might want to change seats.  He didn't.  I got a nice bible as a parting gift as I stumbled off of the plane. Then there was the politician from Beaver Dam, a nice Irish lad who would have loved to have joined me in my condition but  had an image to uphold.  Oh, and it was 10 in the morning.  Wouldn't have been the first time I am sure.  And then there were those sweet elderly ladies just returning from Vegas.  Nothingwas staying in Vegas once I got ahold of them.  Man they could party.  If I left airplane drinking behind that meant that I would potentially not have those fantastic stories to repeat at luncheons and tennis get-aways for the rest of my life.  But I decided to change my perspective about flying anyway in spite of the social losses involved.  That was before now.  Cue the landing gear. The idea of flying and snakes is a whole new animal. 

Before the announcement of the movie and the snake scenario, I had gotten over the idea that there may be unanticipated wind shear, terrorists on the plane, a hidden bomb, a mountain appearing out of nowhere or an unsuspecting bird flying into the propellers and being sucked out of the plane and hurling (still strapped into my seat screaming) into the great beyond as the engines shut down.  Or worse yet, free falling into a large body of water with waiting sharks below.  Once more comfortable with flying I stopped writing farewell notes once the turbulence started and quit thanking the pilots and crew with tears in my eyes at the end of each flight.  I started jumping to the front of the line to get off of the plane, no longer as courteous and grateful once on the ground safely. You get the picture.                   

I was secure in the notion that since 9/11, terror in the air movies had fallen out of favor.  That was until next August when SoaP will be released to the big screen.  Never would I ever have worried that an FBI agent might be on my plane, having to fight a plane full of snakes let loose by an assassin intending to kill someone under the witness protection program.  Silly me.  That thought never occurred to me. What was I thinking?  Dropped that detail I guess.

With all the internet's hype through fan sites and blogs it has become an internet darling with "snakeophiles."  Now I will have to fly pretzel style with my feet tucked up so a snake can't bite them.  Arrrrggghhhh!  What, me worry?  Xanax anyone?  I'll take the generic form please!

What will they think of next? Snakes in your bed?  Snakes coming up through toilets?   Ridiculous.  Like I haven't already thought of that.  I have to close my eyes during the reptile portions of Animal Planet  when watching with my 9 year old daughter who would save a snake's life over mine any day.  Coming soon to a theater near the airport.  Worse yet, maybe it will be the in-flight movie on the plane one day.  Those evil forked tongues!  Those glowing eyes! Snakes scare me to death. But at least they take my mind off my fear of flying.   That was until now...

Oh Captain?