Just when I had become comfortable flying again comes the frenzy of a new threat aboard airplanes to be considered. This time in the form of a Samuel L. Jackson film. Snakes on a Plane or "SoaP" in the abbreviated form that movie fans are calling it. It is receiving tremendous attention and is not even set to be released until next summer.
That being said, let me say this; I have a flying phobia. This movie will probably not help that. To those who know me well, this is not news. I have been afraid of flying not since September 11th, although that catastrophe sealed the deal. I have hated flying since college. But on a positive note, in the last two years I have flown more than I have my during my entire life. I have recently been negotiating in my mind the idea of not having to get into bed with the "Captain" and his companion Diet Coke when I fly. In the past, I had to be in an almost catatonic state just to board a plane. Granted, drinking and flying had its perks. I met a lot of people. Leaving my drinking ways behind meant I would meet a lot less people on planes than I had in the past. That reminds me of a couple of stand-outs I have met.
My favorite was that sweet Mormon boy just returning from a two-year stint at Michigan State. I will never forget him. Elder Brian Willis. He was returning to Snowflake, Arizona to see his family of 12 and the 1 year old sister he had never met. He told me not to be afraid on the plane. His mother hadn't seen him in 2 years and that he was going to get home safely. I told him at one point that I might be drinking straight from the bottle and if that was a problem he might want to change seats. He didn't. I got a nice bible as a parting gift as I stumbled off of the plane. Then there was the politician from Beaver Dam, a nice Irish lad who would have loved to have joined me in my condition but had an image to uphold. Oh, and it was 10 in the morning. Wouldn't have been the first time I am sure. And then there were those sweet elderly ladies just returning from Vegas. Nothingwas staying in Vegas once I got ahold of them. Man they could party. If I left airplane drinking behind that meant that I would potentially not have those fantastic stories to repeat at luncheons and tennis get-aways for the rest of my life. But I decided to change my perspective about flying anyway in spite of the social losses involved. That was before now. Cue the landing gear. The idea of flying and snakes is a whole new animal.
Before the announcement of the movie and the snake scenario, I had gotten over the idea that there may be unanticipated wind shear, terrorists on the plane, a hidden bomb, a mountain appearing out of nowhere or an unsuspecting bird flying into the propellers and being sucked out of the plane and hurling (still strapped into my seat screaming) into the great beyond as the engines shut down. Or worse yet, free falling into a large body of water with waiting sharks below. Once more comfortable with flying I stopped writing farewell notes once the turbulence started and quit thanking the pilots and crew with tears in my eyes at the end of each flight. I started jumping to the front of the line to get off of the plane, no longer as courteous and grateful once on the ground safely. You get the picture.
I was secure in the notion that since 9/11, terror in the air movies had fallen out of favor. That was until next August when SoaP will be released to the big screen. Never would I ever have worried that an FBI agent might be on my plane, having to fight a plane full of snakes let loose by an assassin intending to kill someone under the witness protection program. Silly me. That thought never occurred to me. What was I thinking? Dropped that detail I guess.
With all the internet's hype through fan sites and blogs it has become an internet darling with "snakeophiles." Now I will have to fly pretzel style with my feet tucked up so a snake can't bite them. Arrrrggghhhh! What, me worry? Xanax anyone? I'll take the generic form please!
What will they think of next? Snakes in your bed? Snakes coming up through toilets? Ridiculous. Like I haven't already thought of that. I have to close my eyes during the reptile portions of Animal Planet when watching with my 9 year old daughter who would save a snake's life over mine any day. Coming soon to a theater near the airport. Worse yet, maybe it will be the in-flight movie on the plane one day. Those evil forked tongues! Those glowing eyes! Snakes scare me to death. But at least they take my mind off my fear of flying. That was until now...
