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Muffin Top: |
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The unsightly abdominal spillover that results from a woman wearing a too-tight pair of low-cut pants or shorts. | ||
Stop the waffle irons and pizza ovens! The International Journal of Obesity published a top ten list of why we as Americans are expanding out of our capris, cargo shorts and clamdiggers. Unless you have been living under a rock since the beginning of time, you know that it's pretty much been about diet and exercise. It seems that no matter how much we want to look like runway models, we are all genetically pre.disposed to accumulate fat in certain predictable patterns. Now there are finally some additional theories we can sink our teeth into.
1. Sleep deprivation: There’s no doubt that Americans are getting less than the recommended eight hours each night. Now researchers claim that too few hours of slumber cause hormonal changes that lead to weight gain. It would help a great deal if we lived in California and could watch The Daily Show, Seinfeld, Reno 911 and The Colbert Report before 10:00 every night. All we need to do is move to LaLa land. Then we can watch it at 8:00 and still hit the linens by 10:00.
2. Endocrine disruptors: These synthetic chemicals in the environment disrupt the action of weight-related hormones in the body (think estrogen). Think night sweats, mood swings and watching the play "Menopause." No more needs to be said, right ladies?
3. Comfortable temperatures: When you’re too hot or cold, your body uses energy to warm you up or chill you out. Make the temperature controlled and comfortable and you lose the calorie-burning bonus. (Since 1978, the number of homes with central air conditioning has increased more than 30 percent.) Let's see. Last week we had a heat advisory. The kind where the news anchors suggest you check on your elderly neighbors from time to time. It's 96 degrees outside. Too hot. Go inside into the air conditioning. Too cold. We are screwed and gaining weight either way. California here we come. If you really want to get depressed about the hot weather go and see Al Gore's Inconvenient Truth about global warming. We don't stand a chance if heat causes weight gain.
4. Fewer smokers: It’s no secret that smoking increases metabolism. The question is: What can you do that also revs up your metabolism that does not kill you? Good question. Keep smoking and add something loaded with aspartame. Like an ice cold Tab. Hey if you are going to go at least be hydrated and caffeinated. Nix the move to California. No one smokes there. At least not in public.
5. More medications: “Many medications, including anti-depressants, anti-convulsants and steroid hormones cause weight gain, either by water retention orincreased appetite.” Bloated, happy and convulsion free or bitching, crying and writhing on the floor? Tough call. Bring on the meds and fast!
6. Population changes: America is growing older and becoming more ethnically diverse, particularly among the Hispanic-American population. Both of these groups, people over the age of 35 and those of Hispanic descent, have above average rates of obesity. Have you seen the portions at the Cancun Restaurant, Laredos or Pedros? Ca rumba!
7. Older birth moms: Women are waiting longer to have children. Studies show that an adolescent girl’s risk of becoming obese increases by 14 percent for every five-year increment in maternal age. Hey! Women are having children in their teens here and are still overweight. With that in mind, being 20 and with child doesn't sound appealing. Nor does being 25 with 2 kids and possibly divorced. Waiting sounds good despite the risk. Besides, there are 9 other items on here that may get us first. Even if we do eat right and exercise.
8. Prenatal influences: Overweight moms, and those with gestational diabetes, have been linked with bigger babies. In fact, one study found that over-fed pups produced heavier pups than a control group, and the heft persisted for two subsequent generations. My cousin was rail thin and smoked and still had a 10 pound baby. You just never know.
9. Natural selection: According to scientific theory, overweight people out survive their leaner counterparts because they can draw more energy from fat stores. Wait! This sounds like a good thing! I knew there was a reason not to lose weight. Get me to my friends Ben and Jerry's for a little Chunky Monkey. I want to cut my losses now! Just in case a famine is coming. Or more hot weather.
10. Overweight people procreating: No rocket science here. When two overweight people have kids, their children are more likely to experience weight challenges than a child conceived by skinny people. Of course it doesn't help when these same "people of size" are allowing their offspring to have french fries and funnel cakes at Noah's Ark in the Wisconsin Dells.
