My cousin Julie told me today that I should give up tennis and take up golf. Granted, this opinion is being delivered from a close to scratch golfer so she’s a little biased. I hope she will excuse my reluctance to get involved in the game after reading about the Jack Abramoff scandal and how taking politicians golfing these days is the lobbying gift of choice. The story goes that lobbyist groups spent a lot of green (pun intended) to fly politicians all over the world to play golf which almost certainly reeks of favors potentially being bought and sold. It's not just that Abramhoff appears to have been buying politicians, the members of Congress appear to have been involved in the sales transactions. Would you like your receipt with you or in your bag? As Jon Stewart put it "Gentlemen, start your outrage."
You never read about political fund-raisers and congressional trips being planned to cross paths with posh tennis resorts. The biggest scent of scandal in recent memory regarding tennis has been the clothing or lack there of during tournaments.
Hello! Now that's what I'm talking about!
(Maybe Rafael Nadal's clamdiggers?) To my knowledge there has been no spending of tens of thousands of dollars on costs by candidates and their supporters during a campaign cycle ata tennis club or resort.
Of course it is not newsworthy that money and influence merge on the greens everyday. Business is conducted, deals executed, souls sold, all in the name of golf. It’s a salesman’s second language and a housewife’s Wednesday morning. While there is nothing wrong with swinging the clubs while raising funds, everyone should be picking up their own tab. This is never a problem on the tennis courts. The biggest decisions we have to make are who is serving first, who is playing forehand and who is playing backhand. Oh, and did she really mean to aim that return at your partner's head? I mean for God’s sake, if they only used the word “love” in golf things might be different. Can you see Tom Delay out there swinging a Wilson? Do politicians get any other exercise besides golf? I bet they all walk the greens too, don’t you think? No carts involved.
Besides the proposed ban of privately sponsored travel another advance has been made since this scandal in the wind. Representative Nancy Pelosi encouraged fellow politicians to sign a Declaration of Honest Leadership. Apparently the Oath of Office didn't take.
Another reason I am leaning towards tennis is typically most tennis clubs allow both men and women to be members. Not so with all golf clubs. Good thing there are no women politicians that golf…that might present a problem. I am pretty sure that if the women were out on the greens with these men outfitted in plaid pants and cigars, some of these "opportunities" might be squelched.
On a final note, there is no beverage cart on the tennis courts and we keep score between the players, no score card necessary to keep us honest. I think I will stick with tennis. It is much better for the heart. Besides, the outfits are way cuter.
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